You are 'Enlightened'

And why this is not as exciting as it sounds.

It was on the 8th June, 2018 that I had downloaded and started using a productivity app called ‘ToDoIst’ but, at the time, I wouldn’t realise how integrated it would be to my daily life and, ultimately, how deflated I would feel when I reached the ‘Enlightened’ level of the application.

For those unaware, ToDoIst is a really good task manager. It has evolved over the years by adding more and more functionality but, at its heart, it’s still a good old checklist. It helps certain types of people create task lists, then cross off the tasks when the task has been completed. In order to keep people using the app, they have included some gamification in the form of ‘levels’ which you would rank up through, the more tasks you complete. You can add labels, tags, times, dates, priority levels, etc, to your tasks, and then earn ‘Karma points’ by completing your tasks by the scheduled time/date, etc.

I love a good game, me, so I was fully on board with the idea. I was going to use the app anyway, so the levelling-up would be some kind of an added bonus.

So, after 6 years, 8 months and 28 days, I’ve finally reached the highest level you can reach - ‘Enlightened’. I DID IT! I’m now in the ‘exclusive’ 0.05% of all Todoist users. I’ve completed 22144 tasks and have achieved 50,000 ‘Karma’ points.

OK, now what?

I didn’t realise I’d unlocked this final level. There was no fanfare, no messages congratulating me on a ‘job well done’, no pats on the back. In fact, the only way I knew I had achieved such a lofty goal is that I noticed an unread message in the app. 6 years worth of effort had been reduced to a small red dot on the notification icon.

Honestly, I’m not sure what I was expecting, but there was a palpable sense of deflation. Sure, I wasn’t expecting the CEO of Doist, the company behind the app, to want to connect via Zoom and extend his hearty thanks for using their app for almost 7 years. (Don’t forget, I’m now part of an ‘exclusive’ group of people!)

The more I pondered this unexpected sense of disappointment, the more I began to realise that the issue was not with the app, or even the achievement, the problem is with me, and I recognise this feeling in other areas of my life. Maybe you have too?

What do I mean by that? And, please, it’s just you and me here for a second so let’s be honest with each other. No-one else is watching!

How many times have you posted something that you really liked - maybe a photo, or a piece of writing, or even (thanks Substack) a quick and witty one-liner, or a wise thought into a note. Then you sit back for a while and check how many likes or comments start rolling in? “Hmm, the engagement is kinda slow. Don’t worry, maybe people are at work, and they’ll get online when they get back”. Or “maybe they’re out doing something right now - it’ll come across their timeline at some point, it’s cool”. Or maybe it gets a lot of engagement quickly, and you get that little dopamine rush that re-enforces what you already felt about your piece of work.

Sound familiar?

I think part of the problem for creatives like us, as much as we might try to disagree, is that what we do is tied to who we are. Our identity is connected to our activity. This can be a good thing, of course, particularly if we derive pleasure from our craft and others do too. But what about when the need for validation through our work gets all out of hand. We can set the bar too high at times - put our hope and desires for connection and appreciation in all of the wrong things. And then when, inevitably, those hopes and desires are not fulfilled in the way we wanted, it affects us on an emotional level.

Don’t tell me you’ve not felt that in some way. I think it’s part of the human condition, and the other side of the creative coin. On the one hand, we get to create things that have never been created before. We have, in our DNA, the capability to visualise something and then create it in some form. But there’s a flip side to that. Every time we create something and offer it out to the public, it’s like a mother holding her new-born baby out to the world, and hoping that people don’t find it ugly.

What a bind we’re in. We love to create, but we need people to let us know that we did good. Sure, there are degrees of this and, maybe most of the time we’re not even aware that it’s happening. Perhaps it just affects some worse than others. I’m telling you though, as sure as eggs is eggs, it’s taking place. If it wasn’t, then the whole concept of likes, faves, +1s, hearts and appreciations on social platforms would be pointless. No-one would use them.

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So, if that’s the condition, what’s the treatment?

How I wish there were antibiotics for my corrupted and diseased identity. But, as the GP said to my sick wife recently “What you have is viral. The best thing you can do is work through it”. So, what exactly does ‘working through it’ in this context even look like?

Well, clearly, I’m no expect in this, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I need to weane my identity away from the kind of external validation which is always fleeting. That kind of validation always promises much and delivers little. So, I need a better form of validation. Maybe you do too? Where does it come from? Well, I think there are a number of places, but this article is not the place for that right now. I DO know, though, that some of the validation needs to come from me. Anyone who’s ever set foot in a gym knows that you’re not going to get bulging biceps on your first visit. You’re going to need to go back, time and again, and work those muscles. And, I think, in the same way we need to work the muscles of self-affirmation. We need to get into telling ourselves we are enough, before we even create anything. We have value in who we are, not what we do. We have to get used to being happy with ourselves, without the tools and the apps and the pens and brushes and cameras. Because, let me tell you, if we’re not happy with ourselves first and foremost, no amount of external validation will ever be enough to quench that thirst. ‘Likes’ on social media is salt water to the creative condition, believe me.

Nope, we’re going to have to do some hard work, in reminding ourselves that we are valuable outside of our craft. And then, when the external validation comes along, it won’t touch the sides of us because we’re already comfortable without it.

And this is important stuff, because we if can’t be enough without it, we’ll never be enough with it. It’s a ‘chasing after the wind’, as Solomon penned in the book of Ecclesiastes.

So - let’s start right now. I’M going to start right now. Here, in this article. Whoever is reading this, I want you to know something:

You are wanted
You are needed
You are loved
You are brave

You are enough. Just as you are.

I’m telling myself that today. I’m going to meditate on those things and, hopefully, over time I’ll start to believe it more often than I don’t. But here’s another aspect to this argument that I’m really embracing right now. When we start to leave behind the need for external validation, it can actually free us up to experiment creatively. We can be open to trying new things, seeing what might work and what might not. This could unlock or unblock new genres of creativity that maybe you’ve never tried before.

For me, I’ve been a little bit smitten with the experimental work of

Amanda Powell

. You can see much of her work on her Glass account here. Some of what she does can be quite vulnerable, and also invites the viewer to read their own interpretation into the image. Also, she’s very good at it, and I’m inspired. So much so, that I’ve started a new mini project on Glass called ‘Cognitive Dissonance’, and I’ve started taking a few experimental head shots. This work is about trying things out for me and seeing where it goes.

Very uncomfortable head shots

I love the idea that I can be free enough to try things out and see what happens. If being free from the shackles of other people’s validation can lead to exciting new possibilities, then surely that’s worth the effort? What I’m NOT saying is that we should throw off the kind and encouraging comments we might get from people on our work. I’m not saying that at all. The fact that someone may take a second or two to post their thoughts on our work, or even leave a nice comment, is a real kindness and we should be thankful. What I AM saying is that relying on that validation from others as a way of defining who we are as creatives (or just people, for that matter) is unhelpful and unhealthy.

So, maybe this helps you in the way that it’s starting to help me? I’d love to know what you think, and whether you have noticed this about yourself. If you have, just know that you’re not alone.

Have a great day!

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