Under the shadow of the lights

Thoughts about the transience of what we think of as permanent

I remember growing up, back in the 70s and 80s, in a small suburb of Coventry, called Holbrooks. It was one of those childhoods filled with the memories of kicking around old wasteland with your mates, and spending the Summer days out of the house, only to come back for dinner when it got dark.

I remember that we used to spend time around the old gas works, over the other side of the railway bridge. We’d cycle over there on our bikes, climb under the wire fencing and just do…well, nothing much. But we would always manage to fill our time. I would get the hand-me-down bikes and always, for some reason, painted them silver! My first ‘real’ bike was the original ‘Chopper’ (those 3 gears kicked ass!), and then I moved on up to the heady heights of the Raleigh ‘Grifter’ which, I’m sure, was just a BMX trying to impersonate a tank! It was heavy and I couldn’t bunny-hop on it. That’s all I can remember. That, and it was silver, obviously.

I left Coventry, back in ‘91 at the age of 19, and it was a few years before returning to visit my dad. As it turned out, the old gas works that I used to frequent with my mates, had gone - demolished. And in it’s place stood the new and shiny ‘Ricoh Stadium’, which is now the ‘Coventry Building Society Arena’. It no longer resembled the waste ground I used to spend time on with my mates. Everything had changed. All there is left of the gas works, are the memories I have of those Summer days, and my friends.

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The photo above is not, as it happens, anywhere near the old Gas works in Coventry. It’s what remains of the old football ground of Gillingham Town F.C. The club was formed in 1879, and moved grounds a number of times until, in 2017, they found a new site, just down the lane from this picture.

I don’t really like football, if I’m being honest, and have never visited any of the club grounds until earlier this year. We get blessed (if you can call it that!) with many days of fog and mist. And it was on one of these dank days that I decided to head out with my camera. I had intended to take a photo of a particularly sexy tree, which I knew would be masked by the fog. But I soon realised that I was standing surprisingly close to the old club grounds, which had no security fencing in place, meaning I could simply walk over there and take a look around.

I spent the next 2 hours wandering the pitch, poking old sponsored boards, discarded pieces of kit, and finding interesting compositions. As I walked around in the cold and the silence, the thought occurred to me, that such a place which was home to weekly cheers, shouts, whistles, celebrations, commiserations, wins and losses, now lay abandoned, unloved and, to a degree, vandalised.

Graffiti adorns the stands. What used to be the storage shed for kit, now lies in disrepair. The roof has caved in and bows out in a myriad of directions. The walls are crumbling, and are nearing the end of their ability to hold fast. Brambles, weeds and wild grass are reclaiming the ground that was once tamed by the feet of supporters, and the boots of the players.

The only real structures to remain intact are the pitch lights which, in all probability, will never give light to the ground again. They are the towering monuments to a time now gone.

These two grounds, separated by 26 years and 114 miles hold to the same idea that, no matter how permanent we think something is, it’s actually quite transient. It’s not really IF something is likely to change, but when.

And if this is true of football grounds, how much more true is it of our creative pursuits? It doesn’t matter whether you’re a writer, a painter, a fashion designer or a photographer. Everything changes. Everything is transient.

Look at where you are now in your pursuit, and now think about when you first started out. You’ve changed, right? You’ve grown. You’ve learned a few things along the way and it’s given you skills you didn’t used to have. You approach your craft differently. This has definitely been the case for me.

When I first started out, I didn’t have a clue about f-stops, or shutter speeds, or exposure times, or what filters would do what to an image, or when the ‘good light’ was (don’t get me started on that one!). There was a lot I didn’t know, and I was impatient to learn. But, over time, I picked up more and more experience. I tried things, failed at things, was successful in other things, rinse and repeat.

When I look back, I can’t believe that I used to get so worked up about not knowing what my ‘voice’ was, or when I would develop my ‘style’. It all seemed so urgent and so important. But you can’t really rush the things that need time to settle in and become established.

I think, maybe, that this is an encouragement to me, just as much as it might be to you. I need to remember the truism that everything is transient and nothing ever, really, stays the same. In my photography, where I am now, is not where I was when I first started, and it’s not where I’ll be this time next year.

Who knows? Maybe tomorrow morning is when I’ll make the best image I’ve ever made. Maybe this is the same for you? Maybe tomorrow is the day when something unlocks for you, or you make the best ‘thing’ you’ve ever done. Maybe tomorrow is where you’ll write your best piece, or take your most favourite photo.

And maybe it isn’t!

But that’s the thing about transience. You probably won’t have to wait too long before you change and grow a little bit more into becoming the creative you’ve always wanted to be, or have a desire to be.

Let me finish with a quick (but I think very important) word about valuing ‘success’ in your work during these times of transition.

No amount of likes, +1s, hearts, faves or followers determine the quality of your work. If you were publishing your work in a newspaper, it would be wrapping up someone’s fish and chips tomorrow! Social platforms are deliberately engineered to keep eyeballs glued to the feed through the use of little dopamine hits to the brain. The average attention span of an image is probably less than 2 seconds now.

Scroll > double tap to like an image > scroll

There are literally billions of photos taken and uploaded every single day and, no matter how good your image is, you get probably get 5 seconds TOPS before they scroll past onto the next image. That’s IF the social platform even shows your image to someone. The algorithm does its thing, and so it goes. You have no control over it.

A friend once said to me

“Mike, it doesn’t matter how many people like your photo. It’s WHO likes it, that counts”

That’s always stayed with me. And so now, I find myself looking at who has liked my image. There are people I respect greatly, and I know know how to make good work. If they like my image, I know it’s good. Everything else is a pointless chasing after the wind.

For what it’s worth, success is probably better measured in how you’re approaching your craft. Are you diligent in what you’re doing? Are you looking to grow as you head out again on a rainy, windy day? Are you continually making better images that satisfy you, than last week, or last month? Keep going. Don’t worry about the social metrics you can’t control - just keep making good work and your tribe will follow you. Sean Tucker calls these your ‘1000 true followers’, and he’s not wrong.

But also as an encouragement - you may feel right now that you’re not making the work you want to make. You may feel like you’re lacking something. Just keep making stuff - any stuff, and you WILL grow, believe me. Nothing is permanent, and neither is the place you’re at right now. You’ll grow, in time.

And I can’t wait to see what you make next.

Thanks for getting this far, and have a great day.