Idol-making factories

And what to do when there's too much to handle.

I’m not even sure where to start, but this image of waves crashing over the sides of a wall seems quite fitting right now. I definitely didn’t get up this morning, having made a decision to write another something. In fact, it’s not long since I got back from the dog walk and then having breakfast, but this ‘thing’ just started stirring in me. I’m slowly getting used to following that ‘nudge’, so I wanted to write it out.

Here’s the problem

Over the past few days, there’s been a stir on a couple of social platforms I’m on, about a new photo app having just been released. I tend to get excited about these kinds of things, and so I’ve started looking at ‘Foto’. It’s clean, minimal, and there’s a few people on there that I know. I’ve started searching for names that I recognise, and looking through the discovery section to find the kind of photos I like, from people I don’t know. I’m adding a few new people, chatting to some in the comments section of their photos, and I’ve even handed over around £40 for the year, because I strongly believe in paying people for their hard work. And you can tell that a lot of thought and hard work has gone into the app. In short, it’s just beautiful (mileage varies, of course). I’m a product designer by trade, so what I see is just as important to me as how it works. It’s feeling all quite exciting right now.

Here’s the reality though. I reckon, give it a couple of months, and I will have either ditched it, or sit quietly frustrated with myself because I’ve allowed another social platform to daily chip away a little more, of what small amount of time I have online. Or, more accurately, the small amount of time I tell myself I have for such things. Because the truth, really, is that I spend too much time on social platforms for it to be healthy for me.

And therein lies the rub. My heart is an idol-making factory.

I’ve started to realise that my heart is very good at taking a small thing - a new thing - and elevating it into a really big thing - even an important thing. I’ve become adept at taking something which is supposed to be fun, and making it necessary. And when things becomes necessary, we start to have problems.

I’ve found, over the years, that with certain social platforms they become integrated in my life in a way which should have been good, but ended up being really bad. I think more than a few people have realised that companies which utilise dopamine-delivering, algorithm-generated content, are just not good for our mental health. We have started to notice a withdrawal or replacement of the areas of these platforms, which were supposed be life-giving or additive in some way, and in their place changes or more ways to keep you hooked into the platform, or to hand over cash for no real intrinsic benefit. I won’t bother to name them. You should be clever enough to know.

But again, the issue is not necessarily with these platforms, I think the problem is with me. I wonder whether the issue is that I’m trying to find something within each platform, that will give me something I wouldn’t have without them. Maybe it’s the raging imposter syndrome I can feel sometimes, which causes me to try and get more ‘likes’ on an image (but then we know that’s like drinking salt water!), or the feeling of being validated or enjoyed, through the use of conversations. And when, over time, the initial feeling of euphoria begin to dissipate, you either have to work harder on the platform, or add to it through another platform?

I don’t know…I’m not a psychoanalyst.

What I DO know, is that I’m tired. I just feel tired.

I’m probably more tired with myself, than I am with the social platforms. They’re not all cut from the same cloth, of course. I could easily name a couple that are doing genuinely good things, and I think ‘Foto’ is one of those. But on the other end of the scale are companies who, I believe, probably started off with the best of intentions but rapidly became what they are today.

Regarding some of these platforms, they’ve now been scientifically proven to have negative effects on things like your attention span and your mental health. At this stage, even the notion of them being called a ‘social’ platform is, frankly, laughable.

You’ve probably heard the saying:

“If you’re not paying for the product, then YOU are the product.”

Also, sorry, but I believe it’s a particularly sneaky and mildly abusive thing to do, to not allow a user to immediately delete their account. To simply say “Oh no, that’s ok, let’s just put your account on hold for a month or so”, knowing full well that the dopamine pull will be difficult to resist. It’s an unkindness and, really, shows how the platforms truly feel about their users.

And I’m one of them.

When I think about how bad this getting for me, I think about the fact that I now have a daily ‘process’, where I go through all my platforms, choosing an image, uploading it everywhere I’m online, writing a bit of text, getting the hashtags sorted out, etc. I do this day in, and day out. Eventually something is either going to have to give or burn-out takes place. Over the years I’ve known a few people for whom burn-out has happened, and it’s not a pretty sight. This isn’t something to casually look on at and think “well, they’re just taking it all too seriously”. This stuff matters, and IS taking place more often than you realise.

I can feel it starting to happen to me, and that worries me a little, if I’m being honest with you. But then, like a dog returning to its own vomit, I’ll simply get up the next day and go through the same processes and doing the same things, on the same platforms, for all the same reasons.

I think we’re created for connection, but maybe you can have too much connection for it to be good for you?

But what’s the point in my opening this black bin bag of angst all over your kitchen floor? Well, I’m hoping for a couple of things:

• Firstly, maybe someone else is sitting here feeling all the same things. I just want to say that it’s not just you. Maybe disconnecting and switching off is more difficult than people say it is, or we believe it should be. Maybe the pull to stay is stronger than the pull to leave? Maybe it’s not a simple case of pulling the pin on a platform by deleting your account? Maybe that’s just too simplistic?

• Secondly, I want to try and be accountable to someone other than myself. When I look at the platforms I’m on, I think there’s maybe 2 which I KNOW are additive, Substack and Glass. The others I can now see take much more of my time than is good for me. I want to at least come out and say that, no, moderation isn’t going to work for me. If I was able to moderate myself I wouldn’t be in this pickle. But here I am, so clearly it doesn’t work.

But, I think, there is a larger issue here that, I’m sure, has been addressed in countless articles by people who write WAY better than me. But it’s how we use our time, and what the end goal of being online is. Again, the word I come back to is ‘additive’. Does a social platform add something positively to your life? Does it enhance your life in some way? Honestly now, no cheating! If it does, then great! It’s doing what it’s supposed to be doing.

If, however, it’s not additive - not enhancing your life - then why keep it around? I wonder if this is a too-strong an analogy, but maybe it’s the same thing as not leaving an abusive partner? Maybe some of these platforms just have too strong a hold over you (me)? Maybe that’s the thing. Maybe it’s hard to imagine what life would be like if I didn’t have this platform in my life, despite the fact that I know it’s not having a positive effect on me?

Also, am I being overly-dramatic to say that it takes strength to leave platform? I don’t think so. When I think about how difficult it was to leave Twitter, after 10 years on the platform, or Facebook, or Instagram, I don’t think it’s overly-dramatic at all. I think leaving platforms that you’ve invested time (and money) in, is REALLY bloody difficult, because there will be the inevitable absence of something in your life that used to be there.

But, then, it’s not really gone, is it, because you could go back to it again in your weaker moments.

And you’ll probably have one or two of those after leaving a platform, from experience. You’ll have the nagging doubts of whether you did the right thing, or questioning why you don’t seem to be able to handle what everyone else is more than capable of handling. You’ll think those things, and more.

So, no, it’s not overly-dramatic to say that it takes strength to leave.

But, as of today, that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to leave.

I think this is a solution

As I think about the fact that I WANT to be online, and I want it to be good for me, I figure that I need to find a solution that works for me. We’ll all have our own solutions, I suppose, and mine might seem overly radical. But I guess I’m just a ‘pull the pin’ kind of guy.

I realise that, over time, I’ve allowed some of these platforms to hold a place of importance in my life that is both unhealthy and unsustainable. I suspect in some point they are designed in such a way to keep me on there, regardless of whether they are additive or not. It seems, these days, that the value I find in the platforms, is not the point of the platforms. But then, I’ve never like being used for someone else’s purposes.

So, yes, I’m going to leave. Today.

I’m keeping Substack, because it’s just good for me. I can see that the slower pace of life here, and the warm welcome is helping me to become a better version of myself. I can see that Glass is an equally warm environment, where I can flourish as a photographer, and also help mentor some others. It’s enhancing. That’s the point.

So, as I sit here in my office, having written something I had no intention of writing, I think I’m having a sort of mini-revolution with myself. I’m going to post this, and then go off and close the accounts. I am committing myself to sticking with these two platforms and calling them my online home.

• One for my photography as a portfolio

• One for my photography and writing (such as it is!)

What about you? Do you feel like having a mini-revolution today? It bloody takes strength to hit the red button, and it doesn’t by any stretch of the imagination resolve the core underlying issues I have of latching onto the new things. I don’t know what is coming along in the future - but I know what I can do to be kind to myself today.

I thought I would add in a few pictures of calm because, right now, calm is a most treasured possession I need to hold onto. I think, maybe, you do too.

I just want to say thank you, as ever, if you’ve made it this far. It genuinely means a lot to me to have people read what I write. Maybe ‘like’ it, although that’s not the point. And then maybe comment in. I want community. I want relationship, and I want it to be meaningful.

So, thank you very much and have a good day!

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